Microsoft “Definitely” Has Sales Figures For Xbox One, But “Must Have Left Them At Home”

A flustered Microsoft has insisted to reporters today that Xbox One sales figures are “definitely around here somewhere” and it would “love to show them to you” but that they “must have dropped them on the way here, or something”.

“We definitely have them. They’re definitely there. It’s just that they… they’re not on us right now,” said Microsoft. “They’re back at home, that’s all. I’ll bring them in next time I see you. I’ll have them ready.”

“They’re really big though. Just… really… strong numbers. Not small numbers.”

It’s been a tough week for Microsoft, with their chief rivals Sony reporting that the PlayStation 4 has sold over 30 million units worldwide, while the Xbox One’s sales figures were, like, eaten by the dog or whatever.

Leaked emails from the Microsoft R&D division show that the company are bewildered as to why the Xbox One just isn’t selling.

“I don’t get it,” reads the leaked email. “Our console is bigger, clunkier, noisier, harder to use and actually less powerful than our rival. It should be flying off the shelves!”

Microsoft’s Major Nelson commented that it’d be nice if Sony could “stop showing off for, like, five minutes”.

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