Kansas Schools To Teach Intelligent Design Theory Of Pokemon Transformation

Under a radical shake-up of the Kansas education system, students in the state will soon learn that Pokemon no longer “evolve” between their different forms, but instead were carefully designed to be the way they are.

This competing theory of Pokemon transformation seeks to teach children that Pokemon are so complex and carefully constructed that they must have been created by an intelligent being, known as a ‘designer’, and could not possibly transform naturally.

“Look at Magnemite, for crying out loud,” explained intelligent design advocate Francis Cook. “I mean that thing is literally a sentient magnet or whatever. Don’t try and tell me that thing ‘evolved’ on its own.”

“Jinx? Jinx is a weird blackface doll thing. There’s gotta be an intelligent mind behind that one. A slightly racist mind I guess but an intelligent one nonetheless.”

The move has drawn criticism from supporters of the evolution theory, who say that it “makes more sense” for an animal to spontaneously change into a new form once it has murdered lots of other animals in brutal combat.

Leading pop-scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson added his voice to the chorus of those condemning the move, explaining that “Pokemon are imaginary, and in any case, fun is a subjective chemical stimulation only momentarily experienced by your brain.”

“Ultimately, everything is imaginary — nothing in your life has meaning, and no matter how deeply you dive into the secrets of the world, you will never find a single atom of joy.”

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