Billion-Dollar Corporation Saved By Man Defending Them In The Comments
The CEO of a major, multi-billion dollar international corporation has breathed a sigh of relief today after their business was single-handedly saved by a man willing, even eager, to defend their greed.
“When I first saw that people were angry about our $67 cosmetic DLC, I was worried,” said the CEO, wiping sweat from their brow with a tie made of the most disgustingly pure silk. “Did we make a bad move? Were we perhaps too greedy?”
“Then I saw true_core_X arrive in the comments section, and I knew everything was going to be okay.”
The secret identity of the mysterious true_core_X is one Aaron Cobb, hardcore gamer and dedicated “destroyer of stupidity”. Cobb explained to us that the people criticising the price of the DLC were simply “whining”.
“The price is fine. If you don’t like it, don’t buy it,” he wrote, comprehensively owning the shit out of everybody in a ten mile radius.
Cobb wasted no time, moving to another comments section to save yet another multi-billion dollar company from embarassment. But under no circumstances will Cobb stoop to defend women or other vulnerable groups, suggesting that would be “pathetic”.
“I’m no cuck beta male like those white knights you see begging for sex,” Cobb explained. “I’m my own man. I’m not beholden to anyone.”
Did you like this article? All of our equally good jokes from 2016 are now on Kickstarter in magazine form! Think of how attractive and powerful you would be with such an artefact in your possession! (Very)