Nolan North To Embrace “Sweet Release Of Death” With Launch Of Uncharted 4

Nolan North has let out a long, deep, bitter sigh this week as Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End finally hits shelves, and he is allowed to die.

With the release of the fourth and final instalment in the Nathan Drake series, North has been unshackled from his post in the Naughty Dog sound recording studio and carried lovingly to the sea, where he will walk until he disappears beneath the waves.

“We’re extremely thankful for everything Nolan has contributed to the Uncharted series,” explained a tearful Naughty Dog spokesperson from the shore as they watched a visibly haggard and emaciated North stumble eagerly into the cruel ocean.

“His unique voice and his willingness to go the extra mile in the mo-cap studio really made Drake stand out,” they continued, trying to make themselves heard over the sound of North’s raw, primal screaming, the guttural howl of a free animal hurling its defiance to the empty sky.

“There’s nobody like North in the business. What a professional. What a voice. We’re sad he decided to leave, but after four games we feel the least we could do is send him gently into that good night and end his suffering as humanely as possible.”

Point & Clickbait understands that only minutes after North finally disappeared beneath the waves,  a Sony executive arrived with a contract for Uncharted 5: Resurrection, but by then it was too late.

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