New MOBA Paragon Confident Of Losing To League of Legends, Dota

As new MOBA Paragon builds up towards its open beta, developers Epic Games have shared their hopes for a quick and clean failure.

“Four months is about as long as we think we can drag this thing out before somebody pulls the plug,” announced a spokesperson for Epic Games during a press conference held near an open grave at a local cemetery. “Six at most.”

“We’ve done our market research and concluded that we have absolutely no chance of long-term success in such a highly-dominated genre.”

The conference was halted for a few minutes as a creaking cart carrying the corpses of Guardians of Middle Earth, Warhammer Online: Wrath of Heroes, Dawngate, Infinite Crisis and Dead Island: Epidemic moved past, headed for an incinerator.

“By committing to failure before we’ve even launched,” continued the spokesperson, “we’re sending the right message to our fans: we’re as disillusioned by all of this as you are.”

Epic Games also unveiled a new hero for Paragon today — a support class called ‘Mayfly’.

“Don’t read too much into it,” they explained.

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