Explosive Red Barrel Shortage Worsens As Fuel Prices Continue To Rise
Evil terrorist masterminds have been filing for government assistance in record numbers as the rising price of fuel makes it harder and harder for antagonists to meet the minimum explosive red barrel requirements.
With the price of crude oil once again heading towards a record high and no end in sight for struggling supply lines, many tortured mercenaries hell-bent on world domination are considering moving to renewable energy as a way of providing a variety of easily-exploded objects scattered throughout their compounds.
“Personally, we’re investing heavily in portable zinc bromide batteries that are modified to overload as soon as they are even slightly jostled,” explained one horribly scarred, mask-wearing antagonist to Point & Clickbait.
“Unfortunately the explosion they produce isn’t quite the same, so I’ve had to give the lads a bit of coaching on their performance… get them to really put their back into it, make sure they leap further when it blows up and yell ‘aaaaaarggh!’ really loudly so the hero feels good about the encounter.”
The union representing Big Bad Evil Guys has called on the government to do more to help out the struggling anti-government industry in this difficult time, urging them to “protect the important henchman cultural heritage of gathering around an explosive red barrel for a chat”.