Sorry SJWs, But I Only Jerk Off To These Female Characters Because I Respect Them As Women

Well it seems like these SJWs are at it again folks — censoring everything that they disagree with. And what’s triggering them this time? It’s Final Fantasy XV of course, and they’re mad about the fact that the character of Cindy Aurum has such a low cut top and leans over constantly, exposing her enormous breasts. And don’t get these people started on her g-string sticking out of her high shorts! Wow! They’ll censor anything that moves.

Now folks, I’m nobody special. I’m just your average angry gamer, a free thinker who is tired of these hipster thought police telling us what we’re allowed to say and feel. But enough is enough.

I’ve got some news for these so-called “feminists”, and they’re not going to like hearing it: when I crank one out over Cindy Aurum, it’s actually extremely respectful.

That’s what these special snowflakes don’t get. They can’t handle pure logic or cold hard facts — and the simple fact is that when I’m beating off into a sock over Cindy Aurum’s heaving breasts, it’s a radical act of supporting women.

It makes me sad that these people are so close-minded that they can’t even see that. They’re trapped in their echo chamber, trying to ignore the real world — and I’m out here, a real gamer, with blood respectfully rushing to my penis. That’s what it’s about.

All these people want to do is tear down women and stop them from expressing themselves. They say that Cindy Aurum and characters like her are just gross sex fantasies to appeal to men.

Uh, excuse me? What about all the bi and lesbian women who are into Cindy Aurum as well? These people call themselves “queer allies”, but are they really supporting the queer community like I am, jacking off right now to the idea of Cindy with another woman?

They call themselves “sex positive”, but have they ever had a raging wank over the lesbian sex scenes in Mass Effect like I have? I doubt it! It’s all talk with these SJWs — all talk, and no pausing the game during a close-up to politely rub one out on the couch.

If you ask me, these groupthink hipsters need to shut up and go away. Let’s leave gaming to the people who care enough to actually support women all the way to climax.

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