Report: The Last Guardian Protagonist Preparing To Enter 37th Day Trapped Under Trico’s Butt

The nameless protagonist of The Last Guardian is in high spirits today as he remains stuck under the butt of the sleeping cat/dog/bird creature Trico, who sat down 37 days ago, thoughtlessly crushing him.

The young boy admitted that he spent the first few days struggling in vain to drag himself out, and then the few days after that pounding his fists uselessly against the giant idiot animal, but has since given up and resigned himself to living here forever.

“I noticed that when I hit the great beast with my hands, it would look around, but not see me,  and so it would go back to sleep, and then it would fart quite a lot,” the boy explained. “The hitting was making the farting worse.”

“I tried to wave at several of the nearby evil guards and get their attention but they all pretended to be busy doing other things. I could hear them laughing.”

Life isn’t so bad for the young boy, who admits that “things could be worse”.

“If I was not trapped here I would probably be trying to jump, climb, or manipulate objects in the environment,” he said. “That would be a clumsy nightmare, trying to do anything of those things would be terribly frustrating. At least here I am safe.”

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