Assassin’s Creed Fans Begin Annual Migration To Pre-Order Point

With the turning of the seasons, the annual Assassin’s Creed fan migration is once more underway, as hundreds of thousands of eager fans begin the 900 mile journey upriver to the pre-order point.

Scientists have welcomed the event as a sign that the gaming ecosystem is making a strong recovery, following several barren years in which fans who completed the journey were rewarded with horrifying glitches, or as was the case in 2016, no game at all.

The annual upriver journey is extremely demanding, with many Assassin’s Creed fans picked off by bears, or simply becoming too exhausted to continue.

Mortality rates have increased sharply in recent years, and scientists speculate that the presence of too many pre-order incentives in the water may be to blame.

“It’s highly irresponsible of companies to just dump their pre-order incentives into the water like this,” explained chief scientist Courtney Teese.

“The fans rely on their highly specialised sense of smell to guide them upstream correctly. With this many distractions in the water, the fans are becoming overwhelmed and crashing into other franchises, or dropping out of the migration altogether.”

Despite the risks, fan Audrey Mullins is keen to get started. We spoke to Mullins as he arched gracefully out of the water before splashing back down again, just out of reach of a lumbering grizzly bear.

“Ancient Egypt?  Open world? Camel riding?” said Mullins, glistening in the sunlight.

“What could go wrong?”

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