Microsoft Announces Exclusive Understanding Of What The Word ‘Exclusive’ Means

Microsoft have issued a statement today to clarify that when they said PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds would be coming “exclusively” to Xbox, what they meant was “according to an exclusive understanding of the word ‘exclusive’ which nobody else uses”.

The announcement of the “exclusivity” was made during a livestream of Microsoft’s Gamescom presentation, causing members of the press to wonder exactly what the company meant – was Microsoft saying that the Xbox would have exclusive access to the game?

“We can’t comment on that. When we said ‘exclusive’, what we meant was that we exclusively control what’s published on the Xbox console,” explained Xbox boss Phil Spencer, tugging at his collar.

“So in a sense, we can exclusively confirm that the Xbox version of the game will launch exclusively on the Xbox,” he clarified. “We are very confident that the Xbox version of PUBG will not launch on PlayStation 4, for example. That’s clear.”

“Beyond that, we couldn’t possibly comment. We can’t rule anything out. The mystic strands of fate weave together and unravel with such complexity and speed that no-one could possibly know what is happening even a mere five minutes into the future. To even make a guess would be sheer folly, unspeakable hubris.”

“But one thing is clear: the game is launching exclusively on the Xbox. Please write that in your headlines,” he added.

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