Good News: You’re Only A Few More Posts Away From Convincing Everyone Of Whatever It Is You’re Talking About

Although you’ve been posting for a while now and have spent quite a lot of time entering words into the text box when you probably should have been doing something else, the good news is that it won’t all be for nothing. That’s right, my friend: you’re very close.

Reports today from whatever website you’re on right now indicate that, incredibly, you are just about to convince everyone, and you should absolutely keep at it.

Thanks to extremely sophisticated instruments, we can now confirm that each post you made previously has measurably moved your audience closer and closer to the conclusion you wanted. Now, thanks to your hard work, the goal is within striking distance – if you are brave enough to reach for it.

You’ve made yourself very clear over the last three straight hours of posting: you’re someone who is absolutely correct. Now it’s time for everyone else to see that too, and thanks to your hard work, that achievable goal is just around the corner.

Even people who aren’t involved in whatever batshit crazy thing you are saying, and who are just reading the discussion as it pops up on their feeds, or on their phone notifications, or in their casual browsing activity, are also very close to being completely convinced.

“This person again,” they are saying to each other. “They must be really onto something with whatever opinion it is they hold. That’s why they keep posting. I’m going to investigate, and not be turned away.”

At press time, you were almost there and should definitely not, under any circumstances, stop now.

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