Report: After Nylon Bag Incident, Bethesda Now Holds Record For Deepest Digging Operation

Owners of the Mponeng gold mine in South Africa, formerly the record holder for the deepest underground digging operation, have been forced to hand the title over to Bethesda Softworks after a week of embarrassing nylon bag-related statements saw the Maryland-based developer dig themselves down to an incredible depth.

The Mponeng mine reaches to a depth of 4 kilometres from the surface to its deepest point, a journey that takes more than an hour for anyone working at that depth.

But this week, after initially promising a high-quality canvas bag to Fallout 76 purchasers, then providing them with a cheaper nylon bag, then suggesting that the nylon bag was fine, then apologising for suggesting the nylon bag was fine, then offering a paltry compensation of in-game credits, then finally agreeing to provide the original canvas bag, Bethesda has easily powered through that record.

The latest measurements taken by bemused gaming scientists show that Bethesda is currently in position to break through into the upper layer of the Earth’s mantle – a stunning result for a company focused on delivering video games, not geological breakthroughs.

Sweating from the intense heat and pressure as he worked the shovel at the mine face, Bethesda’s Pete Hines said he was feeling “optimistic” about the way the debacle had been handled.

“At Bethesda, communication with our fans really is the number one driving force behind everything we do,” he said.

“Which makes it a bit strange why we didn’t do any of it this time around, but look – maybe it was just a bug? You guys love those! You love our many, many fuck-ups, and, certainly, this is one of them,” he continued, hurling another clod of dirt over his shoulder and sinking deeper into the dark earth.

“What’s important is that sooner or later, if I keep digging down here, I will find a bag made out of canvas – an extremely precious and rare item that has never been manufactured before – and then everyone can get back to playing Fallout 76.”

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