Razer To Close Online Game Store, Return To Core Business Strategy Of Trying To Make A Keyboard Sound Scary

Peripheral manufacturer Razer has announced that it will be closing its short-lived online game store, as the company undertakes a “realignment” to focus on what it does best: gaming accessories that sound like a 13-year old named them.

In a press release, Razer explained that while it was always worth exploring new ideas like selling game keys online, there was really no substitute for “wearing headphones named after a snake or whatever.”

“We are grateful to everyone who supported our game store, but the time has come to return to our core business of very hardcore mouse mats with names that your significant other will refuse to say aloud in the shopping centre,” reads the release.

“Plus, the focus group of teenagers who we keep on retainer to give us feedback on all of our naming choices have started to become suspicious at the lack of activity, and we are running low on energy drinks. The time is now right to realign ourselves a company, and also to reinforce the windows on that particular room before things get out of hand.”

Although the store may be closing, Razer says there is still “plenty of time to get involved in mining our cryptocurrency offering,” which they say “won’t be going anywhere.”

“Cryptocurrency is extremely appealing to people with the economic literacy of 13 year-olds, so our focus group has given the big thumbs-up to this one.”

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