Blizzard Rushes Unpolished, Unfinished Game To Market Because “We’re All About Sticking To Release Dates”

Blizzard today announced that their upcoming team-based shooter Overwatch would release in a week’s time on April 8, despite still only being in alpha.

“I think we’re all just a bit sick of our usual high standards,” said a Blizzard spokesperson. “Waiting around? Polishing stuff? Sounds like loser talk to me.”

Although the release date is very soon, Blizzard says that it’s “not important whether or not the game is ready”.

“That’s the old Blizzard way, to wait until a game is done. What we’re all about at Blizzard now is arbitrarily announcing release dates and then sticking to them, come hell or high water.”

“We will release the most unpolished, buggy, turd of a game you can possibly imagine. As long as we hit that release date, that’s all that matters.”

This innovative new approach from Blizzard also means that post-launch support for their games has been drastically cut back. Bugs and balance issues will remain unpatched “forever”, says the company, and “you can forget about any eSports support”.

“We’re going to be way too busy sticking to our deadlines and releasing unpolished garbage to care about that.”

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