Not Again: Popular Face Swapping App Has Sold Your Data To A Devious Cabal of Lizard People
Little PSA, folks – the hot new face swapping app Hey, That’s Not My Face is the latest in a long line of apps that has been revealed as a nefarious trap to sell your data onto evil mutants.
The popular app lets you swap the faces of occupants within the frame, filters your face to make you look elderly, and allows you to see what you would look like if you were turned into a scaly horror by a “recently perfected serum that will soon be forced upon you”.
But it’s not all fun and games. If you read the fine print in the Hey, That’s Not My Face EULA, it reveals that the app may send “any and all personal data, including birth date, gender, nationality, race, browsing history, sexual preferences, sexual history, schemes and deeds you’ve committed, secrets, blood type, teachers you accidentally called ‘mum’ in school, fan fiction, daily average toilet visits, and your potentially harvestable organs” to the Chirtek, a race of lizard people that has recently emerged from below the earth.
Point & Clickbait reached out to B’arr’ess Nando, the de facto leader of the Chirtek, to question what its people – who have, we now know, exerted a frightening level of control over the global economy since the Dark Ages – need with this data.
Delightfully, Nando answered us with a booming laugh and a song:
The Chirtek lizard race,
That once lived underground,
Have shown their scaly face,
And now must be endowed,
With all the information,
Your phone secretly saved,
Now watch, as your nation,
Is enslaved.
Despite the risk of subjugation, the app’s popularity has surged. It’s now number two on the iPhone app store, just behind Unburdened+ the official app of Twoo-TiLekk, the Chirtek cult that has already ensnared many of the world’s leading businesses and political institutions.
When asked if the app would be coming to Android, Nando grimaced and favoured us with another song:
Our current development pipeline,
Just will not allow;
We’ll do it down the line,
But not for now.
Nando apologised for rhyming “pipeline” with “line”, admitting that it had been a challenging week. “My eyes are still adjusting to your sun,” it sighed, “and your human flesh is not as delicious as we anticipated”.
Share your most epic face swaps and scale-ridden monstrosities in the comments below!
