Toddler Absolutely Can’t Wait To Swallow Expensive New Nintendo Switch Controller

Reports coming in today suggest that four-year old Jeremiah Horton is already working on the most efficient way to stuff a Nintendo Switch controller into his sticky gross mouth and then swallow it as soon as his parents aren’t looking.

The Nintendo Switch’s versatile setup and portability are of particular interest to Horton, a discerning and thoughtful consumer who has more than enough honey and jam on his hands to ruin the entire thing in less than five minutes.

“Murrio!!!” confirmed the excited and naked Horton, who only moments ago had been fully clothed. “Wee-gee,” he added, as he screamed around the room with a jar of paint in one hand and a teddy bear soaked in toilet water in the other.

Although some observers have criticised Horton’s behaviour, the dedicated gamer refutes accusations of selfishness, pointing out that he was planning to give the other controller to Toby, the family dog.

Toby could not be reached for comment.

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