“No Need To Unionise,” Suggest Bosses Of Hugely Exploited, Overworked, Profitable Game Development Industry

3D artist Chelsea Wolfe was surprised today to find that her “passion for game development” was rejected at the checkout of her local grocery store, with the cashier insisting that she pay for her goods with “money” instead.

Chelsea’s situation is extremely common in the games industry, with a new report confirming what many already know: that the majority of game developers are forced to work vastly longer hours than their contract suggests, in hugely exploitative conditions, or on short-term contracts with no job security or career prospects.

But exploited workers like Chelsea can rest easy, with a recent meeting of some of the richest and most profitable games publishers enthusiastically agreeing that the best way forward for everyone is to shrug and say “oh well, what can you do” really loudly.

“We want to reassure our worried employees everywhere that we have considered every available option and decided that if they try any of them, we will fire them instantly,” explained the group of extremely profitable executives with secure jobs.

“Therefore it is our official recommendation that all exploited game developers continue to work long hours for little pay. After all, that’s just how the video game industry is! It sprang fully-formed out of thin air like this and there is absolutely, definitely no way to change it through communal action or sustained campaigning.”

Studio HR managers welcomed the decision to shrug and accept the horrible way things are, sending out explanatory memos outlining how there was “definitely no need, haha” to form a union or try any kind of collective bargaining process.

“Sure, even the slightest glance at history shows that unionisation and collective bargaining is the only way for exploited employees to improve their lives,” explained one HR manager.

“And, yes, it’s undeniably true that if even half of our employees went on strike at once we’d be immediately crippled and would be forced to agree to their demands, as has happened countless times throughout the history of industrial relations over the last hundreds of years.”

“But we know that our workers understand how lucky they are to be working in such a magical industry. When our programmers sleep under their desks during crunch time, it’s like they’re sleeping in a magical cave, in an enchanted forest!”

“It’s great that all our employees can come together and all work as part of a greater whole to create a magical experience that brings joy to the lives of gamers everywhere. However we want to make it clear that if our employees come together for any other purpose, such as improving their own lives or the lives of their co-workers, we will terminate them immediately.”

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