Unbelievably Stoned Man Plays 42 Straight Hours Of Windows 95 Screensaver

A 31-year-old Australian man has gone viral after playing 42 straight hours of Windows 95 Screensaver – but he didn’t do it alone.

“Someone left half a brick of Guatemalan hash in my fridge,” said the man, who cannot be named because it was me. “I don’t know who. That cooked cunt Simmo, I think.

“He’ll be pissed but I honestly thought it was an uncommonly big Mars bar that smelled like weed.”

Though the man claims he is now the first person in gaming history to successfully complete Windows 95 Screensaver, he was too blazed to take a screenshot of the ending screen. Instead, he streamed a quietly angry rant about Menulog over TinyChat to about 15 people of varying ages and ethnic backrounds.

“Performance-enhancing Guatemalan hash brick is a banned substance under international eSports rules, and also the regular law,” noted eSports correspondent Alex Walker told Point & Clickbait.

“And in this case it appears to have been stolen from someone called Cooked Cunt Simmo, which also makes it a matter for the courts.”

Cooked Cunt Simmo could not be reached for comment.