Ally Of The Year? This Artist Added A Small Scar To The Face Of His Impossibly Hot, Massive-Breasted Woman Character
Unassuming character artist Lump Huggins was a relative nobody yesterday – but today this quiet, softly-spoken 28 year-old man is fending of hundreds of marriage proposals and being pressured to accept the prestigious Male Feminist Of The Year Award.
How did he do it? Speaking to Point & Clickbait in an exclusive interview, Huggins explained that although he had so far made a fairly successful career by drawing unbelievably, impossibly hot women with unbelievably, impossibly large breasts, he was beginning to suspect that there was “something missing”.
“At first I thought maybe I was just drawing them – my sweet, dumb babes – with too many clothes,” Huggins explained, thoughtfully. “So I tried less clothes. But something still didn’t feel right – and I finally realised that it was something bigger than me. Bigger than these breasts, even.”
It was then that Huggins had what he calls his “epiphany” moment – “like St. Paul on the road to Damascus, only less sexist.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t see it before – but it’s so obvious. No woman actually looks like this. I was so caught up in trying to perfect the shading on a wet t-shirt that I didn’t stop to wonder whether or not I was contributing to negative self-images for women through unrealistic beauty standards.”
Now, Huggins says, he is sure to add “small realistic details” to each of his colossal-breasted fuckdolls, so that they more closely match the wide and varied nature of the human form. While his phone buzzed in the background with unsolicited nudes from women now desperate to hook up with him, this brave ally opened his sketchbook to show us some examples of his new mission.
“Here’s a hot assassin babe in form-fitting leather,” Huggins told us. “Pretty standard depiction of how women actually look, right? Wrong! That’s why I added this very small scar to her left cheek. It shows that she’s a real person with vulnerabilities–someone who might fuck you.”
Huggins says that he got the idea from the “disgusting birthmark” that “messed up that body hottie’s face in Ready Player One,” a film he describes as both “epic” and “for the win”.
We applauded politely, but Huggins wasn’t done. “Another one – a post-apocalypse redhead in ragged, exposing clothing, fellating a gun with her come-hither tongue. Pretty damning indictment of my attitudes towards women, right?”
Naturally, we could not help but agree, but we realised too late that we had been lured into a trap. Huggins pointed to the fact that his gargantuan gazonga fantasy wife had, unbelievably, a very non-sexist robot hand. We apologised profusely, which Huggins in his wokeness graciously accepted.
Although it’s not clear what the future holds for this pioneering male feminist, he told us that he is currently preparing something special for International Women’s Day, which he has been given “full creative control” over.