Nintendo, Your Boss Team Up To Announce New ‘Pokemon Work’
Pokemon Go, Pokemon Home and Pokemon Sleep will soon be joined by a new and ambitious collaborative game featuring input from Nintendo’s greatest game designers and your boss Todd, who needs those reports on his desk by Friday.
The new collab, tentatively titled Pokemon Work, will award you with what Todd is calling “Pikachu points or whatever” each time you successfully complete a work task assigned to you. Players can then use these points to level up their Pokemon, purchase new items, take bathroom breaks, and so on.
Pokemon Work will also ship with a new app that your fun-loving boss will install on your work PC for you at no extra cost. Players can then ‘store’ one of their Pokemon in this app, giving that particular Pokemon extra training every time the eye-tracking software detects that they are focused entirely on the spreadsheet they’ve been asked to ‘sort out’ without further instruction.
Incredibly, Pokemon Work will also bring cutting-edge audio and motion-tracking capabilities into the palm of your boss’s hand, so that truly hard working ‘gameployees’ will see the best rewards for their Pokemon, while those who take sick days or refuse to answer email outside of work hours will “watch Pikachu eat shit and die” according to Todd.
Although more details are yet to be announced, it looks like Todd plans to phase out “salaries” and replace them entirely with “Pikachu points”, which he says will be “really disruptive for our business model”. Just as Pokemon encourages you to catch as many of the charming monsters as possible, Pokemon Work will encourage you to collect ‘hours’, which will reward your Pokemon with unique hats in lieu of overtime. Pre-orders for Pokemon Work will open next week, although Todd stresses that pre-orders aren’t really necessary because “this is happening anyway”.
“We are really excited to partner with your boss, who seems like a genuinely great guy with a genuine passion for Pokemon and a strong and forward-thinking vision,” explained a spokesman for Nintendo’s middle management team, while junior staff exchanged worried looks in the background. “He’s got some great ideas which we’re thinking about incorporating in-house for ourselves.”