EA Orders Developer To Have Her Baby On Frostbite Engine

EA concept artist Lynette Jacobs is putting in a hasty call to her obstetrics and gynaecology specialist today, after learning that a condition of her maternity leave would be that her new baby is made on the Frostbite Engine.

Jacobs, who is due in just under two weeks and had been initially building the child on a homebrew codebase, learned of the surprise news in an all-staff memo circulated earlier this morning.

A copy of the memo obtained by Point & Clickbait shows EA executive Patrick Soderlund informing staff members who are pregnant that their gestating children “clearly fall under the category of a hobby project.”

“As you know, your contracts specify that EA owns the rights to all hobby projects you produce in your own time while under our employ. This means that you will need to begin porting your child to the Frostbite Engine immediately.”

“Please file a support ticket if you have any problems.”

Veteran midwife Tracy Ramsey told Point & Clickbait that porting the baby to the Frostbite Engine at the last minute presented some serious issues.

“For one thing, the Frostbite Engine was designed for Battlefield,” said Ramsey. “It’s designed for big open FPS maps. That’s what it’s good at. What it’s not good at, in my opinion, is providing the foundational blueprint for human life. I just don’t think those two are the same.”

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