Sub-Zero Gets Spine Ripped Out During Rally for Fair Work Conditions At NetherRealm
Tragedy struck one of the protagonists of the Mortal Kombat series today during a rally addressing the working conditions that the developers at NetherRealm Studios have been made to endure. Series stalwart Sub-Zero, who showed up in support of the workers and who told the assembled crowd that “crunch culture needs to be put on ICE”, is said to be in serious condition after having his spine torn out through the front of his body.
Reports indicate that a cloaked assassin approached the podium as Sub-Zero spoke, screaming “GET OVER HERE”, before hooking him with a grapple device and pulling him in close. The rally attendees watched in slow motion as the mysterious attacker gave Sub-Zero a swift, brutal beating, visibly obliterating several of his bones, before slamming a hand through his chest and unlodging his spinal cortex, shredding his now-limp body almost in twain.
Onlookers report hearing Sub-Zero scream “now that’s what I call a COLD reception” out of his shattered jaw as an ambulance arrived.
Sub-Zero, the sole combatant in the Mortal Kombat fighting tournament to speak out against the conditions within developer NetherRealm, has a long history as a philanthropist and political activist. The mysterious ninja is well-known for his war against global warming, having once called his work to preserve the arctic “the feather in my cap – my ICE cap, that is!”
In 2014, Sub-Zero courted controversy for ripping a seal poacher’s arm off, freezing it into a giant stalagmite, and stabbing the man repeatedly in the face and chest, before reaching his hand into the gaping maw that was once the man’s face, freezing the body from the inside out, and then grabbing the man’s tongue and pulling so hard that his whole body shattered into a wintery mist of ice and viscera. Questioned about it later, Sub-Zero would famously respond “my respect for poachers is BELOW ZERO!”
NetherRealm spokesperson ‘Shurr Kern’ has denied allegations that the company contracted a hitman to take the fighter down. “Why would I, the mighty Shao Kahn, be at all bothered by this ice-man?” Kern boomed. “I could crush his pathetic bones beneath my mighty hammer if need be,” he bragged, adjusting his glasses and tugging at his ill-fitting suit.
Sub-Zero is currently being treated for full-body trauma, absent bones, juiced organs, grapple burn, and fatality damage. He is expected to make a full recovery.