Randy Pitchford Meltdown Event A Success, Reports Borderlands 3 Team

The hard working development team at Gearbox Software has confirmed that last night’s Randy Pitchford Meltdown event, attended in person by hundreds of people and streamed live to hundreds of thousands more, was a total success.

Set against the backdrop of an unrelated video game apparently called ‘Borderlands 3’, viewers and attendees were thrilled to witness the shirtless and red-faced Randy Pitchford demonstrate a variety of randomly generated events such as “hurling his phone at the wall”, “going over to his phone and sending some tweets on it”, and then “hurling his phone at the wall again.”

According to a press release sent out before the show, another more hastily drafted press release sent out during the event, and a third barely coherent press release published minutes after the event, the new and improved Pitchford is capable of generating up to five billion random meltdowns for players to experience.

“Pitchford (who is not a liar!!) can do or say anything he wants!” reads the third press release, and also a fourth press release we have just received. “Why are the press focusing on the ‘barely legal’ porn in my lawsuit? If it was illegal they would call it that instead of ‘barely legal’ wouldn’t they? It just makes sense???”

Although some critics dismissed the event as “uninspired” following the previous installment of Pitchford Meltdown set in a Medieval Times restaurant, long-time series fans were quick to praise what they were seeing, suggesting that there was no need to improve on the “core formula” of their beloved genre.

“We’re absolutely thrilled with the reaction that Randy is getting,” said Gearbox Software programmer Nadine Olson, who has spent the last five years working on what she calls “some sort of video game, probably. It’s not important.”

“All of us here at Gearbox are just so thankful to be able to do what we do, to get up every day and come to work on such a great project… watching the live reaction when Randy posted his deranged Twitter thread really validated all of that. It made it all worthwhile for sure.”

Randy Pitchford ended the evening by promising to reveal more information at this year’s E3 show, before loudly announcing that “somebody has put shit in my pants” and waddling gingerly off stage.

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