OPINION: If Games Are So Political, Then Why Did My Wife Leave Me?

As a gamer, there are only two things I care about: the great true art of videogames (the most powerful and important media in the world) and remaining apolitical.  It’s important, as gamers, not to get caught up in debates about who should be running the country, or whether you should be able to live your life without the powers that be actively and maliciously trying to kill you. Our focus should be on one thing: the games, and also fun. And also the value for money. BUT NOTHING ELSE.

I’ve long argued that games and politics are just not compatible. How am I meant to think about systems of governance when I’m too busy trying to get the leader of my WoW guild kicked out, or worry about the military-industrial complex when my enemies are gunning for me in Black Ops 4? It’s important that games are just fun, and nothing more, and they should never, ever make me think about anything other than railing chicks and machine-gunning foreigners.

Listen. I’m a true gamer, and like a true gamer I have been FORCED to play games for ten hours or more a day, every day, for the last nine years, and I’m getting pretty sick of all those bent-nose lefties trying to argue that there’s anything ‘political’ about games, which are, by the way, art. If there were any ‘politics’ in video games, I would have noticed. Nothing gets by my keen gamer senses.

So answer me this: games are so ‘political’, then why do I have divorce papers from my wife sitting on my kitchen counter right now? Checkmate, SJW’s

My wife, who wasted her time earning a political science degree while working 40 hours a week, for all her faults, knew that games aren’t political. Because if they were, surely, she would want to be with me still? But once the political brain worms dug their way into her skull, she was gone forever –  no longer willing to say things like “yeah, nice one babe”, or even bring me my own worm medication.

This is because games are apolitical (not political), and always will be. You can’t care about politics and also care about games, and my wife is the perfect example of this. When she got pissy that I missed her mother’s funeral to complete a raid in Destiny (this was back before the game went all SJW by allowing women to play in the Crucible), I reminded her that she knew who I was when she married me – that’s why I wore my ‘GAMER and PROUD of it’ shirt to our wedding.

Her tears, and her demands that she has “grown so much in the last six years while I’ve sunk further into the stained couch”, and that I’ve “become a gangrenous limb that needs to be chopped off”, tells you everything you need to know about how apolitical games are.

If games were truly political like these hipsters claim, I’d still be happily married. If games were really political, my wife’s divorce lawyer would know that I can’t come to the front door while there are unwatched videos in PornHub’s ‘Overwatch’ category. Instead things are as they should be, and I’m alone in my gaming zone until one of the women I follow on Twitter replies to my DMs.

Until then, I’ll be rebuilding Washington in The Division 2 and trying to bang every chick in Mass Effect again. If you think that sounds ‘political’, you’re as crazy as my (ex)wife!!

The Cranky Crankin' Gamer

The only gamer brave enough to criticise feminism and social justice warriors, the Cranky Crankin’ Gamer brings his unique blend of wits, humour, and wrist technique to Point & Clickbait’s opinion section. Where other critics shy away from “sensitive issues” that they “don’t understand”, the Cranky Crankin’ Gamer is never afraid to whip it out and beat it to death. Whether you’re covering up the truth, or covering up anime titties, you’d better look out - the Cranky Crankin’ Gamer is on the case.

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