Progressive AF: This Developer Has Committed To Not Interrupting While You Explain Why Their Game Is Ableist
Get ready to hand back your Ally Card, assholes – there’s a new woke feminist king on the block and he’s about to make all of you look more problematic than the Martin Luther King Blackface Convention (let’s talk about this joke when you get into the office -Ed).
While other so-called progressives are having embarrassing meltdowns and quietly shifting the voices of marginalised people just slightly off-centre in their narratives, Hexton Slur of new indie studio Slursoft is taking affirmative action to the next level by guaranteeing no less than five (5) uninterrupted minutes for you to explain to him why his new game, Special Education Smackdown (again, not sure about this one -Ed) is ableist.
Slur opened our interview by insisting – while repeatedly pointing at his “This Is What A Feminist Looks Like” shirt – that Point & Clickbait acknowledge in writing that his name actually comes from the Norweigan ‘slora’, which means to be careless. The dialogue between players and “well-meaning developers”, Slur continued after the paperwork had been signed, was a “two-way street”.
“Which is essentially the problem,” he continued. “Isn’t that inefficient? I think players would prefer if we made the whole feedback process faster. Players want to feel heard, and then, I think… yes, that’s basically it,” he said, taking a sip of tea from a mug labelled “Male Tears” that he demanded we photograph. “Anyway we can do that, is what I’m saying. Five minutes seems like heaps, honestly.”
“Our title was originally called Cripple Cruncher, but we changed it after learning that the word ‘crunch’ has a negative meaning for many game developers,” he explained, getting up to “check on” his Game Developer Barbie, before inexplicably assuring us that he “thinks Jane Austen was a brilliant writer”. (Let’s just lose this para altogether -Ed)
Although no games have yet been released, the SlurSoft brand has rocketed to stardom following a series of retweets and shares from activists, and Special Education Smackdown (just… please stop typing this -Ed) is now one of the most anticipated titles on Steam.
“This [clap emoji] is [clap emoji] how [clap emoji] you [clap emoji] do [clap emoji] it,” tweeted Dronda Neielle after reading the first few words of the five-minute guarantee, before urging her followers to pre-order “whatever this is” and scrolling further down her timeline and forgetting what just happened.
Predictably, the usual troglodyte reactionaries have come out of their mothers basements to comment on Slur’s woke stance – and, of course, they just don’t get it.
“lol this is how you do it,” said gamer ‘The_Masterful_Race’ in a Steam comment thread. “day one purchase for me”.