King! This Rising Esports Star Managed To Sign Only A Mildly Draconian Contract
Up and coming professional esports player Turry ‘asas089d7’ Gornt is all smiles today after signing what esports observers are calling “only a somewhat draconian contract” to a major label for the next “year or so”.
Tens of thousands of hours of unpaid labour are about to finally pay off for the 15 year-old celebrity as the blood dries on the new contract which will see him play for the prestigious ‘Heated Momentz’ squad, earning a salary that some people say “could almost resemble the legal minimum wage, if you squint at it”.
“This is a dream come true for me,” Gornt told Point & Clickbait. “A theoretically legal arrangement which technically meets the criteria required to be described as receiving money to play video games? It’s like, holy shit dude, haha,” he added.
Heated Momentz, which describes itself as a “forward-thinking and disruptive moonshot venture from the people who bought you Plumbr®, The Epic In-Home Liquid Piping Solution For Gamers™”, told us that they wanted to “do things differently”.
“A lot of esports companies are so backward in how they approach these things,” Heated Momentz ‘Unleasher of Awesome’ Gammery Flemp told us, placing his hand gently over the mouth of his young new star and firmly ushering him out of the room.
“These other dinosaur companies, they want to control what their players say, do, think… it’s disgusting, and frankly, it’s not very productive when you could be doing other things with your time,” he said.
“Here at Heated Momentz, we say – do we really need to sign off on every tweet that our stars make? Do we really need to remove these children from their parents and monitor them 24/7 to make sure they don’t bring our brand into disrepute and cost us a lucrative sponsorship deal?”
“Yes, we do,” he added after a long moment of silence. “But we think Turry here deserves five hours of sleep a night rather than the four that other esports brands would give him. And since the Anderson Incident, that’s been the legally-mandated Heated Momentz difference.”
At press time, Gornt’s contract had been terminated after the Heated Momentz CEO lost seventeen million dollars on a transparently risky cryptocurrency venture called ‘Boobcoin’.