Australian Gamers Cautiously Welcome Support From Infamous Racist
Members of Australia’s gaming community, sick of high pings and constant dropouts, are today cautiously welcoming the support of notorious racist and xenophobe Pauline Hanson.
Hanson, who was elected to the Australian parliament on a platform of vile hatred and racial scaremongering, has added “fast internet speeds for gamers” to her list of pressing issues, alongside other equally important stances such as “a complete ban on all Muslim immigration”, “surveillance cameras in all mosques” and “a government inquiry into whether or not Muslim terrorists are being funded by Halal certification fees from Vegemite”.
“Kids from the bush tell me their speeds are so bad they keep getting beaten by gamers from overseas,” said Hanson. ”Unacceptable.”
Hating on gamers from other countries is a natural extension of Hanson’s existing policies, which very famously include the belief that the country is being “swamped by Asians” and that they should leave immediately.
Many Australian gamers, who live in remote areas and struggle with ADSL1 connection speeds or worse, are delighted to hear that somebody is taking their concerns seriously, but less excited about Hanson’s idea of amending the Constitution to remove freedom of religion.
“I mean, I use racial and ethnic slurs in game all the time,” said clearly conflicted gamer Robert Dawson. “So I totally understand where Hanson is coming from.”
“But is leaving refugees to suffer and be tortured indefinitely in our offshore prison rape camps, just because they’re Muslim, a worthwhile price to pay for a sweet fibre connection?”
“Hrmmmmmmmmmm,” they concluded.