Local Man Paralysed By Realisation He Celebrates Tantrums About Progress More Than He Celebrates Progress

Local man and vocal critic of reactionary culture Irvin Fleming remains stuck on a park bench today, where has remained since he sat down to eat lunch and was hit by the unpleasant realisation that he enjoys laughing at reactionary, progress-hating misogynists more than he actually enjoys celebrating progress.

Fleming’s friends and colleagues, who haven’t seen him in several hours, noted that he was very active on social media that morning highlighting the predictable tantrums of basement-dwelling scum who couldn’t stand the idea of a woman playing Doctor Who. When the storm of retweets came to an abrupt halt around midday, the alarm was raised.

Sources in bushes close to Fleming confirm that he is frozen on the spot, his thumb shaking as it hovers over the screen, ready but somehow unable to share the latest blisteringly idiotic response from some dipshit he found online.

Point & Clickbait understands that upon moving closer, one can reportedly look into Fleming’s eyes and see a deep fear reflected from those pained depths, a black and terrifying knowledge that once learned cannot be unlearned.

With night closing in and assorted vermin already overcoming their fear to creep closer to the exposed sandwich of the paralysed man, time is running out to get Fleming to safety.

Teams of Fleming’s friends have now taken to the streets, hiring a megaphone and using it to read aloud the opinions of alt-right racists, GamerGate misogynists and other reactionary elements in the hope that Fleming will hear and come running over to make fun of them. So far, however, the only result has been to elicit a single tear which rolled down Fleming’s cheek as he sat, alone, in the darkness.