Local Man Rates Own Life “Not Recommended” After 745,000 Hours

With 745,000 hours of his own life under his belt, local man Josh Jacobs has finally settled on the verdict for his own life, and the result is a resounding “not recommended”.

In what many observers are reading as a vicious indictment of Jacobs’ family and friends, the experienced game-player and life-liver is urging all readers to “stay away” from living his life.

“Early game sucks ass,” Jacobs wrote on his Steam profile, using his palsied, shaking fingers to clumsily tap away at a laptop held up by his tearful daughter. “Movement sluggish… no sense of control. Storyline very uncompelling and difficult to grasp.”

“Later segments extremely rough and unpolished… sold on ‘sandbox’ experience but discovered numerous invisible walls. Marketed ‘freedom of choice’ turned out to be just a lie. Very disappointing.”

Jacobs rating has pushed the overall rating for life down to ‘Negative’, causing God to take the unusual step of responding directly on the forums.

“I’m very sorry that Josh has had this negative experience, and I will be taking his concerns directly to our lead designer, who is of course, Me,” said God.

“Speaking as the lead designer, I always love to hear feedback from My players, even when it hurts Me, or even when the player is an absolute dipshit,” explained the Lord.

Josh’s family are understood to be sending through his diagnostic files for further analysis and bugfixing.

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