Local Dipshit Confirms That Last 24 Hours Of Being Mocked Online Was The Result of a ‘Social Experiment’
A full day after being widely labelled as a ‘dipshit’ yet again, online man Clive Myer Ignatz has confirmed that his statements that led to an outpouring of ridicule were “a joke” that he’s “not surprised SJWs simply didn’t understand”.
The Twitter thread that led to this week’s online lambasting began at 2pm, his time, with a tweet about the movie Star Wars: “SJWs are so focused on politics that they think there’s something ‘political’ about the resistance’s fight against the ruling Empire in Star Wars.”
21 hours later, Ignatz made his 346th tweet on the issue – by now arguing that Hitler “would have gotten his ass kicked” if Call of Duty had existed in the 40s – before going silent for a record three and a half hours.
When he returned, Ignatz declared that he was “obviously joking”, offering Point & Clickbait the exclusive interview on his grand social experiment.
“It’s no surprise that so many SJWs thought I was being serious”, Ignatz scoffed, trying valiantly to open a packet of sherbet. “They’re so used to being literal-minded”. When we pointed out that if he was joking then surely the point of it would have to be that ‘social justice warriors’ were, in fact, too liberal in their interpretations, he grew flustered and tore at the sherbert packet, spraying sherbet all over his shirt and covering up the slogan written on the front: ‘Yes, I’m A GAMER, I Live A Thousand Different Lives, I Don’t NEED The Real World Because I Have The MUSHROOM KINGDOM, No I Don’t Have A Girlfriend But That’s Okay, Because The World Of The FLESH Is Temporary But GAMES Are FOREVER’.
After changing his shirt, Ignatz continued on. “By cleverly playing the role of an ignorant dipshit, I’ve proven, yet again, that the so-called ‘discourse’ is broken.” As he retrieved his pot noodle from the microwave, we asked what he meant by this, exactly. “I think that should be self-evident,” he said indignantly, fumbling and spilling noodles and broth all over his second shirt. He tutted and tried to use a tissue, which tore and stuck to the print, covering up the words which read: ‘You Might Think That You’re Cool Because You Play FOOTBALL, But I Slay DRAGONS, I Cast SPELLS, I Rescue The PRINCESS, And I’m A BADASS. What Am I? I’m A GAMER, And Don’t You Forget It’.
When asked what, if anything, his social experiment had achieved, Ignatz laughed as he put on another shirt. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand, of course,” he said, sneering. “The right is getting better at comedy. And you’re worried.” As he got up to show us out, he slipped on a banana peel and grabbed the door of his fridge on the way down, trying to stop his fall. Numerous open condiment bottles spilled out of the fridge and splattered all over his shirt as he lay on the ground, again covering up the message written on the front of it: ‘This Is A CRY For HELP. I Have Lost All Sense Of Who I AM. I Am Weak. I Am Pathetic. I Have Latched Onto A Hateful Ideology For POPULARITY. I Am Truly Lost.’
“I’m not owned”, the master manipulator assured us from the floor, tears in his eyes. “You just don’t get the joke.”