Game Of Thrones Will Release Bonus ‘What If?’ Episode Where You Have A Healthy Relationship to Media
In the wake of complaints, petitions, and death threats, Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have announced an upcoming bonus episode that will envision a ‘what if’ scenario in which you are a more balanced individual with better things to do.
Fans have argued that the final season suffered from inconsistent characterisation, rushed plotting, and too many appearances from Lord Tim ‘the Tool Man’ Taylor. One online petition, inexplicably addressed to former president Barack Obama, postulates that “this dip in quality should constitute an actual crime, for which the showrunners should be executed”. At the time of writing, it has gained 19 signatures (UPDATE: since we ran this story and drew attention to it, that number has jumped to 60,000).
Furious fans have demanded that HBO do something to rectify the situation, citing videos in which actors tiredly respond to repeated questions about the show’s ending while frantically trying to recall the exact specifics of their NDAs as a clear sign that even the show’s extremely wealthy cast is in full-throttle rebellion against the show at this point. Thankfully, a solution is coming.
A special ‘What If’ episode of Game of Thrones is currently in development, which will use experimental storytelling techniques to deliver a version of Westeros that, while not perfect, won’t matter so much to you. This episode will present a version of Game of Thrones that you can just watch and enjoy, or not enjoy, and it’s like, whatever, your life goes on, you know?
“It’s going to be pretty special”, Benioff promised. “At one point Jon Snow is going to read Lady Stoneheart’s introduction from the books directly to the camera, before exclaiming ‘I mean, this would have been great, but we can’t have everything, right?’. It’s going to be very wholesome.”
In another scene, Tyrion will discuss with Ned – who comes back, because, you know, fuck it – how it’s perfectly fine and healthy not to like things sometimes. A pop-up on the screen will regularly encourage people to tweet about the show less.
The episode will also include several of the endings suggested by fans, accompanied by a laugh track. Emilia Clarke has reportedly filmed a scene in which she declares to Bran that “the parts each person did not like were a dream”, and that “whatever you decide should have happened is what actually happened”.
“We have poured our heart and soul into envisioning a version of Game of Thrones that our fans can have a healthy relationship with”, Weiss said. “And if no one watches it, we won’t actually notice.”
Fans have responded with cautious optimism. As one user on Reddit put it: “Well, I’ve already made plans to pour gasoline all over my whole body after the finale, but I might wait for this bonus episode before I decide whether to light the match.”