Amazing: You Won’t Believe What Werner Herzog Had To Say About Marvel Movies
As part of an ongoing global movement to gather the opinions of every living director over the age of 70 on a popular brand of children’s film, we recently sideswiped a pedestrian Werner Herzog with our car and asked the unfazed German icon to answer our questions from the gutter.
“I am most intrigued by the concept of an ‘iron man’”, the wounded Herzog told us. “It is my belief that such a figure is perhaps designed to counteract the encroaching brutality of nature by turning iron back against the hideous earth that spawned it.”
Asked to elaborate further, Herzog stared to the distant, tree-lined mountain peaks with visible disgust, absent-mindedly stemming the flow of blood from his leg by removing his shirt and fashioning it into a crude bandage. “It is man’s struggle against the vile, base world made manifest. A way of striking back against the obscenity of an uncaring planet. Klaus Kinski once told me that his favourite superhero was the Swamp Thing, and I beat him mercilessly for expressing such a vile sentiment.”
Asked for a more specific take on the films, the Grizzly Man director told us simply that he “despised the Ant-Man” as he was loaded into an ambulance.
UPDATE: Since we first published our exclusive interview Herzog’s hospital bed has been put on lockdown as a swarm of furious nerds has descended upon his room, demanding that he “retract his comments” and “admit that the people who like Ant-Man are cool”.
“I’m just really angry about this,” bedside protester Jashua Floom told us. “Personally, I think that Death Stranding deserves at least a 9.5/10 average from the major sites, and I knew that if I didn’t start protesting in advance of the embargo, there was a chance that the libtards and cucks that run the games media behind the scenes would go lower than that. As a consumer, it’s my right to be told that the games I’m looking forward to are good.”
Asked what he thought Herzog had misunderstood about the MCU, the role of commercial interests in determining what it and is not ‘art’, and whether or not he may possibly be at the wrong protest entirely, an unbending Floom tried to justify his response, but proved so uninteresting and unimportant that midway through his tedious response the universe directly intervened and he ceased to exist, turning to dust and floating away in the breeze.
Do you know how to contact Jashua’s family and tell them what happened? Publish their personal information in the comments.