Naughty Dog Warns Fans Not To Spoil The Last Of Us Part II By Reading About Working Conditions Within Studio
Get your mute buttons ready, folks, because Naughty Dog’s top executives have issued a warning of a potential huge leak–one that will ruin your good time by revealing just how awful working on The Last of Us Part II was.
“Yes, it’s true,” CEO Garmith Slints said in an exclusive interview with Point & Clickbait. “A deranged former employee has tried to ruin The Last Of Us Part II for you, our loyal, beloved fans by revealing that he was forced to work so hard that he developed PTSD.”
“His workers compensation claim is a direct attack on you, which I’m sure you can agree, is outrageous,” said Slints.
Slints has condemned the former employee for leaking important details, including the names of testers who passed out at their desks, in a clear effort to “spoil the game” for players. “We want our player base to go in fresh, and knowing that one of our level designers was unable to visit their husband in hospital when he was being treated for an infected sore on his butt that he developed from sitting on one of our office chairs for 18 hours a day is a massive spoiler, for, uh, the players’ ability to enjoy Ellie’s personal journey,” he said, wealthily.
The traitorous former worker, who was let go from the studio after asking when the air conditioner would be repaired, has been criticised as “anti-consumer,” which is, in Slints’ words, “the worst thing you can be, in my opinion.”
Gamers have come out in force against the anonymous leaker, devastated at having the game spoiled for them. “I’ve been waiting for this game for seven years,” PlayStation fan Chit Panders told us, “and to have it all spoiled by the grand reveal that the narrative designer had to pee in a bucket while working on script edits is really shitty.”
“Once again,” he continued, “this leaker didn’t care at all about me, the gamer, the most important figure in all of this. Could they be any more transparent with their contempt?”
Slints has promised that the power of the PlayStation 5 will allow Naughty Dog to bring in “harsher NDAs” that provide the studio with “the rights and means to control their employees with absolute force.”
Just how necessary is it to disclose that this is grim satire, and that we did not contact Naughty Dog before making all of this up? Let us know in the comments!