Heartwarming: Self-Isolating Treyarch Contractor Finally Meets Daughter

Sometimes, in a time of global crisis, it’s possible for news outlets like ours to take human interest stories that should, in a just world, be read as damning indictments of capitalism and frame them as heartwarming stories of personal achievement and the capacity for human kindness–often not-so-subtly presented through the lens of consumerism– to overcome so-called unavoidable obstacles that the corrupt socio-economic systems that govern our lives are never held responsible for.

But then there’s also the genuinely lovely stories, like this one about a hard-working man who was finally able to meet his infant daughter.

Bargy Funts, a 36-year-old contractor who began working for Call of Duty developer Treyarch two years ago, has finally met his 15 month-old daughter, who, according to Funts, “is named Eleanor, I think.”

Funts, who was brought in to design weed leaf patterns for the guns in Black Ops 4, was adorably overjoyed to be able to meet the little rugrat, now that his 18 hour work days (not including the half-hour break included in his original contract, he told us, his eyes turning glassy) have been relocated to his own home. Previously, Funts faced a three-hour round trip to and from the Santa Monica-based studio – talk about dedication!

“To be honest, I’d kind of forgotten that I had a daughter,” Funts told Point & Clickbait during five of the 25 personal minutes he is currently allotted a day. “She seems like a nice kid. I imagine she’ll be able to give me some good market research in the future.”

His wife Marge Funts, who works as a doctor, told us that the struggle to fit in time with her daughter while dealing with the current pandemic is difficult. “But I understand that it’s a sacrifice I need to make for the man I’m still technically married to,” Marge said, her smile just a little too brittle for someone who should obviously be overjoyed at this great human interest story. “I know how important Bargy’s work is. Without him, gamers would have fewer ways to express their enjoyment of weed.”

Eleanor, who recently spoke her first complete sentence (“mommy, who’s that?”), is reportedly a gamer herself, having aggressively chewed on the cables of Bargy’s long-abandoned home PlayStation 4 in what her dad is describing as a “clear sign of approval for daddy’s job.”

“Huh,” he added. “Daddy. I’ve never called myself that before.”

Funts said that while it has been nice to meet his daughter, and to explain Call of Duty to her (“war is bad, but also good”), working from home was presenting its own challenges. “I used to get in microsleeps between red lights on the way to and from work,” he said. “But on the plus side, I gained two extra hours a day that I can work.”

When we reached out to Treyarch for comment, they promptly fired Funts for “exceeding the company-mandated 20 minute personal time limit.”

Image credit (1, 2)

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