Street Fighter 5 Post-Launch Plan Will Add Much Anticipated Basic Features

Capcom have revealed their exciting plans for post-launch support around Street Fighter 5, with an extensive roadmap that stretches all the way into September and October. Let’s take a quick look at what they’re promising.

March

  • Streets. An oversight early on in the QA department means that the final game shipped without any actual streets. The patch releasing in March should correct this.
  • The second half of the disc: Capcom would like to formally apologise to all players who only received half of a game disc in their case. The other half will be provided as a free download and should appear inside your console.
  • High kicks: These will unlock in March as DLC. In the meantime players who wish to do a high kick are encouraged to do a low kick, but jump just afterwards so that it feels high.
  • Ryu’s leg: Capcom have really been punished in the Steam reviews for this one! But don’t worry: it has been carefully preserved and should arrive in March. Players are requested to attach it as quickly as possible to minimise the chances of tissue rejection.
  • The letter ‘S’ in ‘Street Fighter’: While Capcom are grateful to everyone who purchased Treet Fighter 5, they are committed to making up for this embarrassing oversight.

April-May

  • Two new DLC characters! Fan-favourite wrestler Zangief will replace ‘Zangief_placeholder_wireframe_01′ in the roster, which is unfortunate as (in this reviewer’s opinion) Zangief_placeholder_wireframe_01’ has a good familiar feel with a fresh look.
  • The same goes for another new character which debuted in Treet Fighter 5, N. Bison — he’ll be replaced with M. Bison. Sad to see Capcom afraid to try new things and bowing to unnecessary censorship.
  • Dhalsim’s arm length increased again: Continued stretching at this point will have ruined Dhalsim’s arms, making them terrible wet noodles that dangle uselessly at his sides.

June

  • Servers: Capcom are quietly confident they should have figured out what these are by June and have them switched on.
  • Adding jiggle physics to left as well as right boobs: If you’ve played Street Fighter 5, you know how important this is to fix (extremely).
  • Re-attaching the letter ‘S’ in ‘Street Fighter’: Oof. This is embarassing. But don’t worry, we’ve got our best people on it this time.

July – August

  • Fighting: Another big one and it’s completely understandable that it would take this long to work it out. Sometime around “late July to early August” a big patch will be deployed that will include the ability for the characters to actually fight each other rather than just standing around and coughing awkwardly. Game-changer.
  • Sub-Zero and Scorpion. These two fan favourites from the Street Fighter franchise will be making a very special appearance.
  • 87 New DLC Characters! Wow! What a treat!
  • Vega will be able to move left: Great news for Vega fans!

September

  • Patching out characters Chun_Li_DLC_1 through Chun_Li_DLC_87: Again, another tough, but necessary change. Capcom aren’t afraid to admit when they’re wrong.
  • Pony riding mini game: Great stuff from Capcom here. Really listening to the fans.
  • Giving up and officially re-naming the game ‘Treet Fighter 5’: Whatever. Just whatever.
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