Batman Director Christopher Nolan Heroically Robs Bank To Pull Focus From Marvel/Scorsese Discourse For A Day
Iconic Batman Begins director Christopher Nolan has performed a public service today by holding up and robbing a Chase Bank in New York, diverting the discourse away from Scorsese’s comments about the Marvel Cinematic Universe for what might end up being a full twelve hours.
The director’s flair for the spectacular was not on display in any real sense during his caper as he burst into the bank, his fingers shaped like a gun under his jacket, and lost his cool almost immediately, trying and failing to take a hostage before immediately being overpowered. Witnesses described the situation as being “nothing like Inception,” noting that he seemed to possess “none of the bravado of Heath Ledger’s take on The Joker, who is, if you really think about it, kind of like a Clown Prince of Crime.”
Nolan, whose upcoming film Tenet is unlikely to feature Black Panther or The Wasp, was easily knocked down by bank customer Harvey Wamford. “I didn’t do it because I care about banks,” a nonplussed Wamford exclusively told Point & Clickbait. “I’m just still angry about The Dark Knight Rises.”
In the resulting chaos, entertainment journalists, reporters and columnists found themselves too distracted to ask any directors, actors, writers, comedians, podcasters, or random social media personalities to weigh in Scorsese’s controversial opinions that Marvel movies “aren’t his favourite movies of all time.” Christopher Nolan, perhaps best known as an executive producer on Man of Steel, was held in custody for four hours, before being released on the basis of “ultimately doing more good than harm” by his actions, as well as his “being rich.”
In an exclusive interview with Point & Clickbait, Nolan has revealed that while he’s glad that everyone stopped talking about Thor: The Dark World for, at this point, eleven straight hours, he actually had a different motive in mind when he burst into that bank. “Cinema is changing,” he told us in his delightful British accent. “But there are some traditions worth holding onto. I’ve long been a proponent of going to see movies in cinemas, and a huge believer in the worth of preserving film stock as the world goes digital. But this was in service of a far more important cause.”
“I robbed the bank to draw attention to the Snyder cut of Justice League, which Warner Bros has robbed from all of us. Until the Snyder Cut is released, this discourse will not end. It’s gonna be really cool, man. I hear Superman gets his dong out.”