A New Generation Of Gaming About To Arrive As The PC Is Finally Released
Gamers across Australia and the world are queuing up tonight in anticipation of the midnight launch of the PC, the brand new gaming platform whose incredible graphics, online functionality, and flexibility herald a new generation in interactive entertainment.
PC gaming is powered by a revolutionary new state of the art “open hardware model”, where gamers can purchase whatever components they need for their current situation and install them on their own, all without voiding their warranties or needing any special proprietary tools, like those weird stupid triangle screws.
Speaking from her position in a five-thousand-deep queue outside her local computer store, PC Gaming Inc. president Amelia Videogames described the event as “a win for gamers”.
“PC gaming is just bloody great,” she said, grinning. “Bloody great.”
Experts analysing the launch of the PC say that it comes at a time when consoles have been dominating the marketplace, locking gamers into paying enormous prices for their titles and forcing them to use already outdated hardware.
“It’s a pivotal moment in the marketplace,” commented a spokesman for the video game market research company Data & Data. “The PC is now the only place to offer what more and more gamers are demanding: flexibility and choice in how they consume their entertainment.”
“The games are just @#$%ing cheap, too,” he concluded.
Excitement has been building about the PC’s forward-thinking backwards-compatibility features, with gamers able to use their PCs to play titles from five, ten, or even twenty years ago. Companies like GOG.com have announced that they will be supporting the PC when it launches, and will offer a huge back catalogue of classic titles at prices best described as “basically nothing”.
The PC has seemingly been in development for decades, and many gamers just can’t believe that it’s finally going to arrive. In preparation for the event, over 65 million users have registered accounts with Steam, an amazing digital delivery service that will allow PC gamers to purchase cheap games online and be part of a global community, as well as earn actual money for contributing their own creations to their favourite games.
Gabe Newell, lord of Valve Software and creator of the Steam platform, said that he was “very excited” to finally launch the PC.
“We saw what the consoles were doing with their TVs and their controllers and whatever,” said Newell to us, during a brief and unscheduled interview at a local supermarket. “So we developed Big Picture mode. We took the PC and we made it work on a TV with a controller.”
“Please, go away,” he added.
While critics have expressed concerns that the initial cost of buying a PC will be too high, PC Gaming Inc. were quick to point out that the technology is actually cheaper than ever, and that so many games on this yet-to-be-released platform will be bafflingly cheap, if not completely free to play.
“You can buy a stand-alone graphics card now that’s already more powerful than whatever is in those console things,” said Ms. Videogames to us. “It was only a matter of time until somebody realised that you could put those graphics cards into a case and make a PC out of it.”
Games like Team Fortress 2, Dota 2, Neverwinter, League of Legends and World of Tanks have announced that they will all be free-to-play when the PC launches, while others like World of Warcraft and Diablo 3 have revealed that they will be letting PC users play for free indefinitely until they choose to upgrade.
With only eight hours to go until the doors of local computers stores across the nation unlock and this magical gaming machine is finally unleashed to the public, many are already declaring that the PC is the only gaming system they will ever need.
Microsoft and Sony are understood to be working on new consoles, codenamed the “Xbox One” and the “PlayStation 4”, in anticipation of the PC’s launch.