Another Successful Year For The Game Awards As Audience Somehow Manages Not To Just Break Down Sobbing
The organisers of this year’s Game Awards are tonight congratulating themselves for a job well done, pleased that a majority of the audience managed to keep it together and not just have a complete psychotic break from the sheer horror of it all.
Post-show metrics provided by the show reveal that 78% of audience members made it all the way out of the door and into the parking lot before screaming and falling to their knees, weeping unstoppably in absolute shame and regret. The remaining 22% are currently being treated by paramedics at the scene.
Attendees reported that the show was a great success, as they drew deep, gulping breaths of the cold night air and studiously avoided meeting each others’ eyes.
“I came into the awards tonight full of hope, inspired for the future of industry and my craft,” claimed one indie game developer, whose award was supposed to be mentioned on air but got cut because Ubisoft needed another five minutes of camera time.
“Then the show stopped so that we could experience a live action advertisement featuring a robot shaped like a safety razor. Now all I want is to hurl myself from a cliff and feel the sweet momentary relief of my skeleton shattering against the cold rocks below, ending my pitiful life.”
“Can’t wait for next year!”