Ubisoft Executives Beseech Tom Clancy’s Ghost For Just One More Game License
Tired, haggard looking Ubisoft executives have donned the ritual robes and filed into the basement of their Montreal headquarters to once again summon the ghost of author Tom Clancy and bargain with his vengeful spirit.
Arranged around a pentacle drawn in goat’s blood and anointed with silver, the Ubisoft executive board carefully shuffled their profit and loss reports, turned their phones to silent, and began to ululate in their black tongue, making the unsounds which pierce the thin veil between our world and the world of the dead, where author Tom Clancy slumbers eternal.
Point & Clickbait understands that Clancy’s hideous apparition has offered Ubisoft several more iterations on a theme of paramilitary agents and international conspiracies, leading to a heated debate about what would be best to unveil at the upcoming E3 2017.
Front-running titles include “Tom Clancy’s Omega Strike: Alpha”, “Tom Clancy’s Crypto Force”, and “Tom Clancy’s Daggerknife”, each offering a promising array of high-octane stories about the men and women who put their lives on the line to spout technobabble and fire guns in the dark world of less-than-legal international espionage and law enforcement.
Negotiations are now ongoing as to exactly what vile price the undying wraith will demand for his services, although leaked documents indicate that several Ubisoft executives with “excess children” are “exploring their options”.