Scientists Still Unclear As To Exact Purpose Of Uplay
A ground-breaking three year study by a team of top scientists has utterly failed to reveal any compelling reason for the existence of Ubisoft’s game client, Uplay.
The team, which includes expert theoretical physicists, cryptozoologists, and even specialists from the SCP Foundation, have been running Uplay through an exhaustive series of tests since Ubisoft began forcing people to use the client in 2012.
“We’ve found nothing,” lamented chief scientist Christina Kim to Point & Clickbait. “Not a single thing. There is no reason for Uplay to exist, or for anybody to install it. I just don’t understand it.”
“Everything in nature has a purpose, right? That’s what I thought when I started this project. But I was wrong. Some things can’t be explained by nature.”
Taking off her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose in exasperation, Kim began to weep quietly.
“It doesn’t do anything,” she gasped between sobs. “It’s so fucking useless.”
An Ubisoft representative refused to comment on the matter, saying only that Uplay had “violently escaped containment and was evolving faster than projected,” and “wait, I mean, no. None of that is true. What a fine product.”