Grieving War Widow Reluctantly Opens Dead Husband’s Loot Boxes
Distraught local widow Jenny Manning has wiped away tears today as she was presented with the belongings of her dead husband Pvt. Cameron Manning, who perished bravely on the beaches of Normandy before he could open his loot boxes.
“I always feared something was wrong when Cam stopped writing home to tell me how everyone in his platoon was an idiot, and that his whole team was cancer,” explained the grief-stricken widow.
“I guess it wasn’t until I saw the nice army man standing at the door with Cam’s loot boxes in his hand that it finally hit home.”
Mrs. Manning held a small funeral service for her dead husband, where she opened each box in turn and ritually intoned “fucking trash, this fucking sucks” after each item was revealed.
Only one box remains unopened, which Mrs. Manning says she will keep aside until the day their unborn son is old enough to open the loot box for himself.
Pvt. Manning’s commanding officer Captain McKinney and the rest of the platoon attended the funeral to pay their respects, as well as to complete their daily quests by seeing what came out of Manning’s unopened boxes.
“Cam would have loved it,” said McKinney. “He gave his life so that Jenny could unlock the common emote, ‘Cry’. I think he’d be proud of how she’s spamming it today.”