Local Man Hoping Polygon Or Whatever Will Criticise Game So He Has Excuse To Buy It
Local man Dominic Howard is today enjoying his full-priced purchase of another AAA game, safe in the knowledge that he can now justify his purchase by saying he saw Polygon or whatever “hating on it.”
Despite consuming every single trailer, live-stream and screenshot of the game released prior to launch, Howard explained to Point & Clickbait that he “still hadn’t decided” to purchase the game until he saw something bad about it on, like, Kotaku probably.
“Fucking finally,” muttered Howard after seeing an out-of-context screenshot of a single sentence cropped from a review posted in, I don’t know, Waypoint. “I was going crazy here.”
Strangely, Howard’s credit card was already in his hand before he even saw the review, a fact he attributes to “coincidence.”
Observers report that Howard used the game’s download time wisely, taking to his various social media platforms to tell everyone that it was now okay to buy the game.
“I hope everyone stands up against, fucking, feminist elitists or whatever,” explained Howard to his followers. “I absolutely wasn’t going to buy this game for full price until I saw what they were saying in their like echo chamber and shit.”
“This is terrible,” said a spokesperson for the game when contacted by Point & Clickbait. “Oh no. Oh gosh. How awful that we are under attack by censorious critics. Please do not purchase our game at full price.”