Bethesda Draws Flak For Not Explicitly Thanking Nazi Fans

Beyond all the thrilling trailers, Bethesda’s E3 presentation was a timely reminder of how great gamers are, and how they have, as a collective, never done anything wrong. When company spokesperson Chuck Charleston said that Bethesda “loved gamers” and “each and every one of you is a being of perfect and pure light,” he was finally acknowledging the truth about this oft-forgotten demographic, although that particularly segment was unfortunately cut from the live feed in favour of a trailer for Elder Scrolls Online.

“We would endure the scorching fires of Hell for you – and not just the fun version of Hell from Doom Eternal, out this holiday season,” Charleston continued, weeping openly. “You are our sons, our dear sons. You live inside us now. We’ll carry you wherever we go.”

But one group of gamers thinks that Bethesda isn’t going far enough, with the publisher’s Nazi fanbase feeling sad at not being explicitly and directly thanked by the publishers of Doom, Rage, and Wolfenstein.

“I’ve been a big fan of Bethesda’s games since day one” says local Nazi Croup Stevens. “Skyrim was big for me in high school. And them not specifically shouting out their Nazi fans feels like I’m being deliberately left out, like a big slap in my genetically superior white face.”

Stevens, who lives with his girlfriend Smoke Edwards in her mother’s garage, says that this feels like a deliberate slight, as the growing acceptance he has felt in the gaming community was not reflected on the stage. “The cucks at Bethesda would do well to spend more time on NeoGAF and 4chan”, he opined, scratching at a scab on his shaved head until pus and blood started to meekly gush from it.

“Hell, at one point up on stage they talked about killing Nazis”, Croup says. “My perfect Aryan grandfather didn’t fight and die in a war my parents refuse to talk about just so that I could be disrespected like that. Nazis want to put down pre-orders, too.”

His girlfriend suggested to us that, while not necessarily a gamer or a Nazi herself, she tends to trust the intent behind Stevens’ rants because he is “so much older” than her and “seems to really know what he is talking about”.

When reached for a statement, a spokesperson from Bethesda called Croup “vile and worthless”, and offered us a review copy of the new Wolfenstein.

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