Nintendo In Damage Control After Wario Promotes Phrenology On Joe Rogan Podcast
Nintendo’s PR team is in overdrive today after a disastrous appearance on the Joe Rogan podcast by iconic character Wario, who used the 7-hour long session to put forward theories about the link between skull size and intelligence.
“Wah-ha ha! Measuring skull sizes is number one!” explained the controversial purple and yellow figure as he puffed away on what redditors are calling an “unbelievably fat spliff” while Rogan nodded amicably and motioned for him to continue between spluttering coughs.
“I’m-a Wario! My race is-a superior! My race is-a gonna win,” Wario continued, vanishing into an increasingly voluminous cloud of smoke. “I-a-measure the distance-a between their eyes with-a the callipers! Nyah-ha-ha!”
As the discussion continued, Rogan allowed his guest to bring out a series of hand-made diagrams, seemingly drawn on a napkin in crayon, which “ranked-a the races by intelligence”. In a statement that Nintendo has since described as “unfortunate”, Wario then began explaining why some of the races “a-deserved to-a have all-a the money.”
“Hahaha!!!” continued the brushy-moustached independent thinker, somehow pronouncing all four exclamation marks. “Take that, losers! Waaaaaaaaah!”
Nintendo America’s new boss Doug Bowser held an emergency press conference this morning to address the concerns, saying that “Wario’s ideas, however thought-provoking and controversial they may be, do not represent us.”
“When our friend Wario, who you must understand was incredibly high at the time, said that Hitler had ‘some good ideas’, he, uh,” Bowser explained. “He. What he meant was that. You know.”
“Wario,” he finished lamely, mimicking the iconic villain’s victory pose.
In the wake of this controversy, anticipation for Waluigi’s upcoming appearance on Chapo Trap House has, of course, only grown.