Good News! You Will Be Paying Money Forever And Never Own Anything
Incredible news coming out of whatever major conference is on this week, with the announcement that you will never stop paying money for access to things but will somehow not be allowed to actually own them.
Experts have been predicting that it would be time to give money to the big company soon, but this is the first time we have seen its plans to muscle into the increasingly crowded space of constantly taking your money and never, ever stopping for any reason.
That’s right – thanks to a great new advance in technology, you can now keep giving this company your money forever, and in return they will let you do something you enjoy as long as you don’t upset them. Nice!
The new service from the big corporation is being hailed as hugely disruptive, and there’s no doubt that it is ready to totally shake up the way you own things now – specifically by making it so that you don’t own them, and you don’t have any money either.
Entry subscriptions for whatever was just announced start at a small number and can go bigger if you want. You can really spend as much or as little money every month or week as you want! You will never own the thing so it doesn’t matter.
Of course, anyone who wants to get into this will need to be online all the time. You can never stop being online, but why would you want to? You are online now and you always will be, which means it’s very easy for you to never stop paying the money.
Not online? Don’t have good internet? Guess it’s up to you to fix that, because this is the future! Talk about convenient!
It is whatever year it is now. Surely we can agree that it’s time we stopped “having unrestricted access to items we owned and could use whenever we wanted,” and started living in the future – a future where we have to make the big corporation constantly happy or we lose everything.
Stay tuned for more announcements from whatever major conference is on, as we are also predicting something equally disruptive from that AI startup that emails your boss if you spend too long in the bathroom.