Save Big With These Point & Clickbait Fathers Day Gift Ideas
Looking for the perfect gift for your perfect gamer dad? It doesn’t matter whether your dad is big or small, plastic or platinum, alpha or cuck – we’ve rounded up the best Dad Solutions to suit all budgets.
A T-Shirt Which Says “GMAE” On It
Baffle your gamer dad this Father’s Day with a bizarre t-shirt that simply says ‘GMAE’ on it in large, provocative block letters. Staring at the shirt and wondering what the fuck it means will be a great enrichment activity for your dad, while turning it over and over again trying to discover if more letters exist on the other side that may unlock the key to the puzzle, which feels like a bold extension of their relationship with you since infancy, will keep them entertained for hours and hours. Clap in delight as your gamer dad cautiously tries on the ‘GMAE’ shirt and grins awkwardly, not knowing if you are serious but unsure if their criticism will destroy your fragile self-esteem. Ignoring the artifice in their confused thanks will be a perfect bonding moment!
Free ‘Heated Gaming Moment’ Coupons
SELLER: Gamer Centre For Progressive Progress
COST: Starts at $29
Even the most progressive and women-respecting of dads can have a bad day, and the only way for a true gamer to let off some steam is to violently scream racist epithets from the Jim Crow era into the microphone until they are blue in the face and all the plant life in the room has wilted. But the last thing you want is for your gamer dad to get ‘cancelled’, which is why you need to pick them up a booklet of Heated Gaming Moment Coupons! Available in booklets of 30 (‘Casual’), 100 (‘Hardcore’), or 250 (‘Not Racist’), the Heated Gaming Moment coupons are a great way to learn more than you ever wanted to know about your dad’s to-this-point quietly ignored racial politics!
A Life Size Statue of Kratos That Comes To Life And Replaces Your Dad
SELLER: Discount Kratos Warehouse
COST: Free (just pay postage)
Not sure what to get your dad? Your dad difficult to please? Your dad generally unloving? Your dad abjectly failing you by every measure by which a dad can be measured? Why not replace your dad with this life-size statue of Kratos from the video game God of War, now available in a limited release which comes to life and murders your dad, eating their heart and assuming their powers. What’s the worst that could happen? Will your dad’s friends at their 9-5 software development job notice if your dad suddenly is more muscular, more aggressive, more Greek, their body overflowing with the powers of an unhinged god? Of course not. Take the plunge today.
A Shitty Mad Catz Controller, But Ironically
SELLER: nogovernment78 on eBay
COST: $15 (no time wasters, pick up only)
Is your gamer dad suffering from near-lethal levels of irony poisoning after spending too much time online? Pick them up a second-hand Mad Catz controller from eBay and watch them go wild for the sheer post-joy joy of struggling to play their favourite game while fighting against the broken joystick, the unresponsive buttons and the constant connection drop-outs. There’s nothing an incredibly online dad loves more than saying “lmao” to themselves each time they get utterly destroyed by their opponents in that golf game you bought them for two consecutive Christmases due to a controller that, if the seller is to be believed, was swallowed whole and then shat out by the family dog. Missing left joystick.
A Two-Metre Cube Of Frozen Human Fat
Does your gamer dad like to stand out from the pack? Do they like to show off their frankly excessive personality? Or do they simply want an easy conversation starter for when the other gamer dads come over to stand around the barbecue and quietly whisper their concerns to one another? The Frozen Cube Of Human Fat measures an incredible and unnaturally precise 2.0 metres on every side and is guaranteed never to melt or deform, although some user reviews suggest it may apparently “move around during the night” and “absorb small pets”. Do you think that sounds like something your gamer dad can handle, or do they need to ‘git gud’?
Is the Frozen Cube of Human Fat of earthbound origin, or did it originate in a space and time we have no way of comprehending?? Let us know what you think in the comments!