5 Pictures Of Women Soldiers I’ve Hastily Googled, And How I Believe This Supports My Position On Chainmail Bikinis

A lot of so called “feminists” think the chainmail bikini is simply a “perverse artifact of the male gaze” or “fucking stupid” – but that’s before they get into an argument with me and my enormous brain.

Unlike these blinkered SJW zealots, I’m able to use the power of the internet to look up complex and well-founded arguments which support my position. Here they are now:

Laskarina Bouboulina

Oh, so you think women wouldn’t expose their heaving, glistening breasts in combat? I think whoever this Greek woman is would have some words to say about that! While SJW’s like you are wasting your time being triggered by the slightest thing, Laskarina was out there commanding her own fleet, burning and sacking cities to drive off the Ottomans. There may not be any historical pictures of Laskaraina in a chainmail bikini per se, but I think you’ll find this makes you look quite foolish.

Yevdokiya Zavaliy

After Nazi planes bombed her farm, Yevdokiya Zavaliy gave up her chainmail bikini-free life and joined the Soviet Army. She was so effective at killing Nazis that they actually called her “Frau Black Death”, which I believe means “Mrs. Bikini Lover”, and I’d encourage you not to derail the argument by getting into a pointless discussion about translations. Zavily was famous for the respect the men in her submachine-gun platoon showed her when she led them into battle, though if you’re honest with yourself you’ll admit they only followed her because they thought she was hot. Had enough yet?

Nakano Takeko

I personally am still learning the way of the blade, but if my study of history has taught me one thing it’s that women warriors were deadly – and sexy. Underneath Nakeno Takeko’s quite modest traditional Japanese robes she would have almost certainly had breasts, and were she not so busy founding her own platoon of naginata-wielding women warriors and leading them into battle, she would certainly lead her own breasts into a supple yet form-fitting chainmail bikini. Don’t agree with me? Maybe try learning a little history before you come around here.

Kumander Liwayway

Widely considered to be “The Joan of Arc of the Philippines”, Kumander Liwayway was famous for her stunning looks and for wearing lipstick into battle as she slaughtered invading Japanese troops. Women love to accessorise, and what goes better with lipstick than a chainmail bikini? And did not Joan of Arc wear the first chainmail bikini into battle, back in France? I think you’ll find these two facts go together quite nicely (for me).

Mariya Oktyabrskaya

You say a bikini would be impractical and offer little protection? A foolish argument for morons. Russian woman Mariya Oktyabrskaya would have laughed at how stupid you sound, after she had finished killing Nazis in her own personal tank, which was called Fighting Girlfriend. And isn’t a tank just a large metal bikini that you sit inside of, and which has many guns mounted to the outside? I’ll understand if you want to concede the argument here before I make you look any more stupid.

Do you know any more women warriors who would have supported my position on the chainmail bikini? Let me know in the comments.

The Cranky Crankin' Gamer

The only gamer brave enough to criticise feminism and social justice warriors, the Cranky Crankin’ Gamer brings his unique blend of wits, humour, and wrist technique to Point & Clickbait’s opinion section. Where other critics shy away from “sensitive issues” that they “don’t understand”, the Cranky Crankin’ Gamer is never afraid to whip it out and beat it to death. Whether you’re covering up the truth, or covering up anime titties, you’d better look out - the Cranky Crankin’ Gamer is on the case.

You may also like...