Local Man Heroically Can’t Be Fucked Reading Updated Terms Of Service

Local man Robert Griffin has today made a valiant attempt to read through the updated terms of service agreement relating to his online account, making it as far as the fifth paragraph before just giving the fuck up.

“Fuck this,” added Griffin heroically as he scrolled to the end and hit ‘Agree’. “Absolutely. Whatever. Go on then, you piece of shit.”

Observers reported that Griffin’s performance was actually improving, pointing out that when the terms of service were last updated three months ago, he only made it to the third paragraph before telling his device to “get fucked”.

Griffin was unmoved by the news of his statistical improvement however, dogged by a persistent fear that he had missed something vitally important, hidden deep within the labyrinth.

To date, only one person has been reported as ever fully reading and understanding a terms of service agreement before accepting it – local woman Cora Newton, who was transformed into pure energy after finishing the final paragraph and ascended to a higher state of being.

Griffin says he finds the idea of becoming one with the universe “pretty good,” but would prefer a more immediate solution, preferably involving “the damn thing just fucking off.”

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