Outrage As International Olympic Committee Refuses To Recognise How Fucking Sick My Quad Kill Was

The International Olympic Committee, which continues to debate the merits of esports at the Olympic Games, has courted controversy once again by failing to congratulate me on my fucking sick quad kill on Bomb Site B at de_dust2.

Although the IOC may be gradually warming to the idea of including esports, some recent comments from committee president Thomas Bach have veteran murderers like me worried.

Instead of complimenting me on how I nailed the final headshot and bounced my testicles up and down on the faces of my enemies corpses, Bach took to a press conference instead, telling assembled reporters that “we cannot have in the Olympic program a game which is promoting violence or discrimination.”

This short-sighted and frankly out of touch move is bad news for the industry, but even worse news for me – simple man who just wants someone to give him a high five and say “sick 4k” in the chat.

Esports is a billion dollar industry, with tens of thousands of people training for hours to get the same sort of sick 4k that these stodgy old traditionalists refuse to acknowledge. How many Olympians are in the same boat, even now getting sick 4ks in shotput or long jump or whatever? Probably more then one.

When Olympian archers and shooters fire at their targets, are the athletes and the audience imagining people’s heads popping off and realistic blood spurting everywhere? Almost certainly, but ultimately, who can say. What’s important is that if we allowed me to play in the Olympics, people wouldn’t need to use their imagination anymore. And I call that a win for Olympic values.

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