EA Reassures Customers They Are Too Stupid To Understand That Loot Boxes Aren’t Gambling

The ongoing loot box controversy has reared its ugly head once again during an investor phone call for EA’s latest financial report, but Chief Financial Officer Blake Jorgensen has said the executive board are the ones to blame.

We should have communicated better, so that our customers understand that loot boxes aren’t gambling,” explained Jorgensen thoughtfully. “This one’s on us.”

“Customers stupidly assumed that because loot box rewards were randomised, and that loot boxes use weaponised addictive psychology techniques developed by the gambling industry, and that loot boxes cost real money, that they are the same as gambling.”

CEO Andrew “Sports” Wilson reassured all investors that the company would immediately be taking steps to fix the “miscommunication”.

“What customers need to understand is that if they think loot boxes are gambling, it is only because they are too stupid to really understand the difference,” he said.

“Customers who don’t think loot boxes are gambling are clearly the sort of clever, intelligent people who are far too smart to ever be psychologically manipulated.”

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